Self Limiting Beliefs Part 1

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Feb2008 18

What separates the haves and have nots? How are some people able to attain everything they set their minds to and some can’t ever seem to follow through with anything?

As a trainer, I have witnessed countless times a complete transformation within people. Someone who walks into the gym with their head and eyes cast down, shoulders shrugged up, feels as though they don’t belong there. Why would a person feel this way when entering a gym for the first time? It’s because of what they believe to be their self worth. They have self limiting beliefs that tell them they, for whatever reason, aren’t as good as the people who are there.

I came to a realization years ago that the only person in my life who could hold me back was me (and believe me, I did a great job of it). I had this self belief about where I belonged or what role was appropriate for me and I stayed there. I’m not saying I had low self esteem, but I knew I wasn’t reaching my full potential. I was capable of attaining any goal I set my mind to, yet kept myself from reaching because the people around me had formed their opinions of who I was and I didn’t want to disturb the status quo.

See, we all want better lives. I’m sure Oprah or Bill Gates have goals in their lives they haven’t yet attained and I would argue that they have been pretty successful so far. It’s much easier to stay where you are than to move yourself forward, but that just breeds discontent.

Unfortunately so many people pick that as their option. How many people do you know who hate their job or are in bad relationships but never think to leave because it’s just the way things are? I know a few. These are the same people who hate their own lives and definitely don’t want to see anyone else improve theirs because it only shines a spotlight on how crappy their life is. These are the people who were once your friend, but once you got that promotion or lost that weight, they show their true colors. They are referred to as “HATERS” and there is nothing more pathetic than a hater. These are people who know they are s*** but cover it up with a superior, pompous attitude. They are quick to point out everyone elses flaws but god forbid someone should point out one of theirs.

We all have flaws. We are human and not one yet to my knowledge has done everything perfectly. If they had I’m sure they would be the most famous figure in history. The first perfect person. Yet the Hater thinks that by wearing one mask, no one will be able to see what is really underneath. Does it ever work? NO. You can always spot them from a mile away and nothing is more offensive to a Hater than to have to admit to themselves that they suck. They will attack you to put you back in your place because it is always easier to tear something down than to build it up and being that haters are weak, they aren’t building s***. If you start to lose weight, there will always be that one person making some cracks about you exercising or following a healthy diet while they cram a double bacon cheeseburger down their rather portly face. They will make cracks about whatever it is you’re doing that threatens their fragile little reality to make you feel bad about it so you’ll stop. Some of these people may be your friends or even family. Most people don’t want to upset or have conflict with the people in their lives and often times, their remarks will work. After all, these are the people you respect most, right? But you need to see these people for what they are.

Anyone who doesn’t want to see you succeed or be happy is NO friend of yours. I’ve never met a self-actualized, successful person, and by successful I don’t mean money, who wanted to see someone fail. What do they care, they already have theirs and they feel good seeing someone else get theirs too. If someone goes out of there way to help you or encourages you when they have nothing to stand to gain, they definitely are not a Hater and should be rewarded with your own kindness and loyalty. Power dynamics are always changing and you never know when you may be in a position to help them in return. These are the quality of people you want to surround yourself with. Haters should be shunned and scorned. Their energy is toxic, who needs it?

Successful people generally surround themselves with successful people and misery loves company. Haters have no real power, only the power you give them over yourself. Again people will accept their role so as not to rock the boat. You need to ask yourself, whose happiness do you value more? Your own happiness or someone who wants to see you fail? Personally I love Haters in my life. They drive me to succeed even more spectacularly just so I can rub it in their faces and watch them hate away. For me it’s rather gratifying to have such control over someone who thought you were weak and were going to do as they told you to. Turn the tables on them. Success is the best revenge. Don’t take crap from anyone ever. What makes them any better than you? Besides if they are attacking you for succeeding, they definitely are NOT better than you. Think about it!

On my next blog I will give you strategies on how to change those self limiting beliefs that are holding you back from your true potential. J. NyQuist

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